Last week, I signed up to take Bonnie Christine's Immersion course. It's an 8-week self-directed course covering everything a person needs to know about becoming a surface pattern designer. Surface pattern design is making art to cover surfaces like fabric, wall paper, notebook covers, etc., and often involves a pattern that can repeated seamlessly to cover large areas.
Bonnie Christine is something of a legend in this space and from what I've seen so far, a great teacher. She claims she has a knack for breaking down Adobe Illustrator (her preferred computer program for illustration and design) so that anyone can learn to master it. I'll take her word for it. But learning the technical stuff doesn't concern me much. I know I can work a software program. I'm not even that hung up on my horrible drawing skills. Drawing is a skill that can be learned, too. What I see as Bonnie's real knack is making a person feel that they can be successful as an artist despite any evidence of it. She has a sweet, charming, confident way of encouraging aspiring artists, no matter their current station. When she said, "you can have a career you love as an artist," I believed her and signed up for Immersion.
As I'm becoming more exposed to the world of surface design, I'm noticing literally thousands of designs and thousands of designers. As I'm reading through the introduction chats in the course community, I'm meeting people that already have an art business or they already have a career in design or they've been a talented hobbiest for years. Few seem to be like me—just getting started and a looooong way to go.
See. There it is. That familiar self-doubt. The belief that the success of so many others is a sign that my own success is impossible. It's the attitude I promised myself that I will not have before I clicked the buy button for Bonnie's course. So pardon me as I work myself through this because class starts on Monday...
I will be vulnerable. (Thank you, Brene Brown.) I know that there will be some hard truths I'll have to face during this course. For example, I'll forget how to do that thing with that one tool, I'll ask dumb questions, my art will suck. Brene says it best:
"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage."
I will have the courage to keep going even when it's really uncomfortable. Keep showing up, Bowles.
I will have a growth mindset. (Thank you, Carol Dweck.) I am not a good drawer, yet. I am not a skilled surface pattern designer, yet. I am right where I'm supposed to be, right now. Of course I'm not successful. I'm just getting started. I will try and fail and learn and try again and fail again and learn again and repeat, repeat, repeat until I am successful. Because that's what successful people do. No one starts at the top. Baby steps, Bowles.
I will make good art. (Thank you, Neil Gaiman.) A few years ago, I was so inspired by Gaiman's Make Good Art speech and book, I had it tattooed on my arm. It was at a time when I was especially sick and tired of the place I had landed with my career. (Long story—things are better now.) I've spent most of the last 30 years in the workplace learning and development space. I'm an instructional and information designer and now much of my work involves using design thinking to solve workplace problems, which I love. But design thinking and instructional design is about creating based on what the end user needs and wants. It's putting others first. Art is about what the artist wants and feels and thinks first and the "end users" choose the art and artist that they connect with. Finding my artistic voice is all at once exciting (what will it look like!?) and daunting (how will I find it!?) and scary (what if it doesn't emerge or worse, no one likes it!?) and freeing (finally I can make the art I want to make!!). Trust the process, Bowles.
I will remember that comparison is the thief of joy. (Thank you, Theodore Roosevelt? He often gets the credit but it might have been someone else who said it first.) No doubt about it. If I want to lose all confidence in my ability to be successful as an artist, I'll scroll through my social media feeds or click through Spoonflower designs or visit Pinterest or read somebody else's blog. There is no end to the evidence that other artists and writers and designers that are better and more accomplished than me. It's funny. I can show up to a 5K road race and be perfectly content finishing in the middle of the pack. I know I'm not the fastest runner and I don't care. I'm just happy to be there. I might have a goal to improve on my personal best, but even if I don't achieve the goal I'm still having a good time. Why is art making different? Probably because I've decided that I want to earn money from my art. Capitalism can be a thief of joy, too. Chase joy, Bowles.
I will believe there is room for me. (Thank you, Bonnie Christine.) This might be the hardest thing for me to accept. Like I said, there are already thousands surface pattern designers. Why would the universe want one more? I think I just need a little blind faith here. I'm trusting you, Bonnie. I'll work hard, but I'm trusting in your good words and good thoughts and good practices. Here we go, Bowles.
Create every day. Live your life. Be a little better.
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