Last week, I introduced you to Simon Sinek and his “Friends Test” method for finding your “why.” This week I want to offer some alternatives to narrowing in on your purpose. Sinek’s test is a valid approach but some of us would prefer to avoid those kinds of conversations. Some of us work better alone. Some of us might not have friends who know us all that well. Some of us…you get the idea. This post offers a self-reflection activity that you can do solo.
First though, let’s clarify. I’m using the words “why” and “purpose” interchangeably. What we’re trying to know by finding our why/ purpose is how we contribute to the world, how we impact others. Our purpose is why we do what we do. By knowing why we do what we do, our lives can feel simpler, more directed, more energized, and more meaningful. Ultimately, purpose connects to happiness.
A reminder: your purpose does not have to be a grand ambition or require tremendous sacrifice. It should be simple but inspiring to you. Something that guides your actions and helps you make decisions. It's like a compass pointing you to the direction you want to go.
For this self-reflection exercise, give yourself at least 15 uninterrupted minutes in a quiet spot and write out your answers to the following questions—several short sessions may be better than one long one. I recommend writing your answers out long-hand. It’s okay to take a few days to do this. Give yourself time to roll the questions and answers around in your head. You might want to make your notes in a notebook that you can keep near so you can jot things down as they come to you. Edit your answers as often as you like, until they feel right to you.
(Heads up. There are eight main questions and each of them is followed with additional, related questions to prompt your thinking. This is not an interrogation, it’s a thought exercise.)
What do you like to do?
Is there anything that makes you lose track of time when you’re doing it? What do you wish you had more time for? What lights you up? What brings you joy?
What are you good at?
Are there things that people ask for your help with? What do people thank you for? What do they complement you on? What do you do that makes you feel great about yourself? When are you most confident? If you had to teach something, what would you teach?
What do you care about?
What’s a problem you wish you could solve? What do you think is missing from the world? What would you regret not having in your life? What are you drawn to? What would give you peace of mind? What are you willing to struggle for?
What’s inspiring to you?
Do you have an idol or a hero? A person you admire? Why? What books or movies do you love the most? Why? What gives you strength? What person would you like to know better or know more about? Why? What quotes do you love? What symbols do you connect with?
If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with your time?
What did you want to be when you were a kid? What could you do all day and not consider it a waste of time? If you could create your job, what would it look like? What would you build or create if you had unlimited resources?
What makes you different from other people?
What complement would your kids give you? Your grandkids or nieces and nephews? What would surprise people to know about you? What do you secretly love about yourself? What are you never afraid to do? What would your epitaph say? What do you want to be the best in the world at? What would be your unique superpower?
What are you most grateful for?
What do you notice and appreciate about people? What do you pay attention to in your environment? What do you really love? What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten? Why was it the best? What would your perfect day look like?
How do you want to make others feel?
What would you wish for your best friend? What do you wish for your family? For humanity? What do you love to do for others? Why?
When you’re ready, find more uninterrupted time to look for patterns in your answers. Is anything repeated? What stands out or gives you a gut reaction? What makes you happy just to think of it? Use one or more of the purpose statement formats from the last post to craft your personal why. (Now might be a time to engage those trusted friends you avoided at the start of this exercise to get feedback.)
Write your purpose statement down and put it somewhere so you’ll see it every day. Use it as a guide as long as it works for you (it should stick for a relatively long time!). Revisit this exercise as desired.
Now, what does all of this have to do with growing creative courage? That’s for next time.
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